my past

big room,a number of toys,beautiful dolls,expensive stuffs and etc. even a big flat television is placed in my room. i couldnt ask for more,this room is a paradise-- an enchanted place!just imagine the wall painted with pink and blue,filled with smart and pretty faces of disney characters; cinderella,snow white and sleeping beauty. 'cept for one thing that clogged my whole personality and spoiled my life.
i cant go out from this room-a major rule! in short "im a prisoner!".a prisoner of rough and desprite life. mama told me that if ill go out of these foure-cornered cell, people will see me, laugh at me and worts,make fun of me. she told me many times that she was just trying to protect me from that brusque,strange,chaotic and cruel environment. by this, i have my own self-centered world, turning with an axis-wartching tv,eating the "right" kinds of foods which mom's provides,stealing opportunity for junk foods,playing with my toys and talk to myself. boring it may be but what can i do? life is too unfair!. how in this world i was born with resentment,prejudiced and maltreatment?once, i heared someone saying that im a product of an unwanted possession, that my mom at early age got herself pregnant with an irresponsible and immature man,who dumped her afret getting such a prize! so,my mom was left with nothing but shame, her mom,and dad disowned her after learning her defeat. so,mommy lived by herself,crawling and grtaspering for breathrevenge!. as her first step,she get rid of me by trying various pills and herbs;but i was too strong!clinged and hold courageousely on her womb to indicate how much i love to live.
after seven months of being concieved,i was prematurely welcomed into this world... happy to be alive but sorry for some defects. i am an autistic victim;mute, acts and moves like orge-- an absolute abnormal. as i grew older,i garually saw my difference and i saw myself a loser. i envied other children who have father, grandparents and healthy and normal bodies. there, i thi\ought about..."what if i helplessly drowned myself with those pills and herbs?" what if.. maybe i was dead bofore this miserable condition enwrapped and controlled my life.i always cry for mercy... alms and grace.i dont care if from whom and from where!what i want is to have what other fortunate children have.however this self-centred idea vanished within my mind when mama introduced me to someone who can be a father to howevers fatherless which i tried to speak. i was intergued and term "faith' exist. it was almost ten years ago...